We all understand the meaning of the topic, it’s always a deep heart and great pains. Some have lost their joyfulness and had made up their minds never to give Love a second chance in their life’s because of a broken relationship with their spouses.
Some had lost their sanity due to the danger of a broken relationship. Many have also met their untimely death through a premature broken relationship.
All the above examples makes us understand that a broken relationship can be a great disaster to our emotion and our total being and I think it’s a wonderful thing if we can actually sum up courage and and have a mental strength to fix what’s has been broken when we can yet have the ability to do so.
By the time I see couples greatly down as a result of broken relationship, it greatly saddens my heart. Many of them have tried everything they can on their own to work through the difficulties they’re encountering. But now they’ve run into a wall that is either caused by accumulated sorrows, a significant crisis, or both.
They’re depleted; their internal resources and energy are dangerously low. Often feeling bruised and defeated, they come to counseling with a desperate plea for direction. Their eyes beg the question: Should we learn how to fix a broken relationship and try to create a better one, take some time away from each other to reformulate, or just give up?
In that first critical session, we must make the tentative decision together as to whether or not there is hope for regeneration. The answers to these six questions bring us to that conclusion
1) Do both partners want the same thing?
2) Is there enough energy left in the relationship to give them the fuel they need to repair and recommit?
3) How have they resolved traumas in the past or are they buried in repetitive patterns that have never worked?
4) Are they running away before they’ve given resolution a chance?
5) Are there underlying, hidden issues that are sabotaging their chances to reconnect?
6) Do they still want to try?
After sincerely answering these questions, the following steps will help rebinds a broken relationship and restores the long lost peace and happiness of the devasted relationship:
1. Be Attentive To What One World Your Partner Is Saying.
When one partner is speaking, however his or her tone of voice, the other partner is looking and listening to them. Even if there is disagreement, it is evident that what the other has to say is still important.
The partners may have a history of interruption, over-talking, dismissing, or minimizing, but will stop those behaviors when I ask them to and redirect their attention to what the other is saying. If I ask either of them to repeat what the other partner has communicated, they genuinely try.
2. Show Concern And Compassion.
Couples who have lost each other’s trust and support, whether just recently or over a long period of time, may still show concern when either expresses authentic heartbreak. If they are not able to use soothing words or gestures, especially if being blamed in the moment, they show consideration for their partner’s distress by their body language or facial expression.
It is as if they know where the breaking point is and do not want to go there. Compassion rules over dominance when the other partner drops into a genuine place of heartache.
3. Remember Times That Make You Both Laugh.
There are times when I’ve been with a distressed couple where it appears that the hostility between them has taken over the relationship. They are arguing about the way they are arguing. They are unable to find anything in the other worthwhile to listen to. They are interrupting, invalidating, and yelling at one another. I feel like a referee in a professional emotional boxing match.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, one of them refers to an experience they’ve shared in the past or something that is happening between them, and they both start to laugh. The tension is immediately gone, even for just a moment, and both are looking at one another as if they are really just good friends playing at hating each other.
Even if the fight resumes, it is evident that what they are talking about is not all of who they are and I know I can get them down under their self-destructive interactions.
4. De-escalate Conflict.
Every couple knows how far is too far. Sadly, that underlying knowledge does not always keep them from walking too close to that cliff and many relationships end because of that sacrilege. The de-escalation ray of hope happens when I see a couple recognizing when they are too close to saying or doing something that the other cannot get past.
Seemingly out of nowhere and certainly out of character, one or both stops the interaction or takes it to a more caring place. They have a shared knowing that certain words or ways of being may hurt too much to ever heal, or some actions from the past cut too deeply. It is clear to me that they have an invisible pact that keeps them from going over the edge.
5. Don’t Bring Up Issues From The Past.
It is natural for most people to use the past or other people to add clout to whatever they point out as valid in the moment. That is especially true when one partner feels he or she is losing the argument, and feels that fortifying it with examples from the past or endorsements from other significant people will bolster its effectiveness.
Couples who are good communicators stay with one issue at a time and talk about what they need from each other in the present. They don’t try to persuade the other of a position that will be satisfying for them at the expense of the other. If one of them begins to falter, the other brings them back to the problem at hand and that tactic is not only accepted, but appreciate.
6. Have A Basic Level Of Trust.
No matter how angry, hurt, or vengeful a couple acts toward each other in that first session, I can see that their distress with the situation at hand in no way suggests that their partners are basically flawed or unacceptable people. Challenges of acts of behaviors are very different from character assassinations.
The issue at hand may have sorely undermined the relationship in their current crisis or long-term distance, but they would never state that the other person was unworthy of their love or basic respect.
7. Be Accountable For Your Actions And Don’t Blame One Another.
Pointing fingers as to who is to blame is a power play. There is a bad guy who is properly dealt with, and the good-guy victor wins the battle and loses the war. So many fights between couples sink in this assignment of accountability and whatever “appropriate” consequences result.
There is that magic moment in therapy when both partners realize that they’ll play a winning game when each owns their individual contribution to what has gone wrong. It sometimes takes some skill building, but it is unmistakably remarkable to witness when the interaction turns in that direction.
8. Turn Your Negative Energy Into Something Loving.
There is no hope where there is no life. I’ll take a passionate, angry, upset couple any time over two people who sit in the room wishing they could be anywhere else and disappearing into two-dimensional cardboard cutouts. The door to the outside office might as well be made of concrete and bars as a room I treat as a haven begins to feel more like a prison.
A once-loving couple who allows their relationship to diminish into a lifeless, complicated set of rituals has the biggest burden by far. High, angry energy can morph into high, loving energy. Deadness is hard to revive.
Sometimes, it is hard to visualize an angry or wounded couple showing any of these eight rays of hope in the midst of their anguishing conflicts. But if you don’t overlook them, they are often just under the surface waiting and wanting to emerge.
I know that a couple wants to get beyond their distress when they get excited about those “aha” moments when I identify them, and immediately commit to replacing their old behaviors with the new ones.